


Healing is not a linear process

by imadeafanpage



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Guilt, Light Angst, Minor Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Past Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadeafanpage/pseuds/imadeafanpage
Summary: "I still dream of her", Gwen will say.It will feel like a confession.
Relationships: Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen & Morgana (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Healing is not a linear process

"I still dream of her", Gwen will say. 

It will feel like a confession. 

It will be a confession. 

The words will hang in the silence they interrupted. They will both pause their work. She will place a trembling hand over her mouth. Merlin will speak. A pained version of her name. 

She will not let him finish. It will be like the winter ice is thawing inside of her. Something will give. It will feel as if the words have been caught on a fish hook and are being dragged from her throat. She will say "I dream that we are together, Merlin". The "still" will go unsaid. He will hear it. 

Gwen will not say "I dream that I am braiding her hair." She will not say "Her hair felt like silk in my fingers".

She will not say: "I wish we had laid down together".

"I wish she had trusted me."

"I wish I had not betrayed that trust.' 

She will not cry. Merlin will. They will both pretend that he does not. Gwen will think she understands his tears. She will not.

She will not say: "I thought I would do anything for her".

She will not say: "I dreamt she took me with her''.

She will not say: "I deserve this." 

He will know. 

He will not say that he blames himself. 

She will not know. She will never understand. 

But for now the two servants sit and sew together in the last of the afternoon light. Merlin is grateful for Gwen's help. Gwen is grateful for something to do. Arthur won't be grateful that his clothes are fixed because he won't realise they have been. The two are content to sit in the other's company. Maybe they won't be okay. Maybe they will.

**Author's Note:**

> Definitely not prompted by me having a dream last night about a girl I'm not even sure I can call my ex `\\_('~')_/'
> 
> Yes that is my best attempt at drawing a shrugging emoticon because I was too young to text during that era. I do remember my mum texting me fishes when she was abroad once though.
> 
> Anyway that's my designated oversharing for today. Hope you felt something! (From the fic, rather than ny comments).


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